have pai ju in e aftnoon ltr agn.
dunno y,
im rather depressed dis few daes...
really carn bring myself in e happy mood to act tt part ltr
n if im nt feeling happy
hw am i going to act happy?
***
yesterdae
went for the stupid du shu hui...
i mean it really was rather stupid
summore im in the same grp as co2
:x
den aft the stupid du shu hui
i went out wif jy!
yay!!!
had quite sum fun!
(:
haha
***
feeling v sad nw
for no reason

BOO!
im at hme nw...
slacking like mad
will be leaving hme in less den three hrs to go for my pai ju..
xian.
gt ntg to do nw!
juz checked e friendster's horoscope.
it will be a so-so day for me n her.
better be careful ltr...

i dun tink it turned out well for her.
the tix r still dere.
new n unused.
i really dunno hw is she coping nw.
neither do i noe hw shld i make her feel better.
coz she dun even noe tt i noe.
anw,
i really hope she will drop by my blog one dae n c dis few posts
n noe tt i lurve her
i really do.
n im concerned
n i wan her to be happy
i really dun wish to c u unhappy, sis.
if u really happen to c dis one dae,
do tag my board or sign my gbk so tt i noe k?
hope tt u can pick urself up soon
smile
(:

***
gt pai ju tml
shall try out e new actions tt i tot of dis two daes.

gosh!haven do sumtink v imp n urgent yet!!!
argh!!!

anw,dis wk is packed le.
mon:pai ju
tues:du shu hui n outing wif jy!!!
wed:pai ju
thurs:jogging n library
fri:dunno yet((haha))

btw,yida's new album is cuming out dis fri
wonder if it is nice.
shld i buy???

hey!i put up a fizbox!
but its so ugly...
haha(:
im still trying to customize.
i sucks at this type pf tinks anw...
juz hope tt everyone hu cum my blog can go n sign my ugly gbk k?
haha
off i go!!!

blue

e sky is blue
n im feeling blue...
its raining
n my heart is pouring
until whn
i dunno.

stupid rain.
make me cannot go library
):

hols r here
but im as busy as ever...

nt looking forward to it.

two sided

im two sided
a fact which i juz realised yest.
one side of me is the cheerful n noisy talkative side of me
e other is the quiet n negative side of me.
i used to manage the two sides of me rather well
but ever since it happened,
i find myself unable to control myself anymore.
e quiet, negative side of me kips surfacing more n more.
i wana find back the cheerful side of me!
but it seem impossible.
the moments of quietness r spent tinking of tinks tt i shld nt even be tinking abt.
i wan myself to be cheerful
e side of me hu goes round
toking n joking,playing wif fwens.
i dun wana be to be the me nw,
quiet n isolated,
unable to connect wif ppl.
its like im feeling happy playing
den suddenly the other side of me will take over
n i will feel so depressed out of a sudden.
i really carn take dis anymore.
i tink im going crazy if dis type of tinks continues.
but hu can help me???
nt even myself.
its only nw den i realise,
im nt having mood swings.
but im changing.
changing into another person
hu is so strange to me.
i really dun wan the negative side of me to kip surfacing.
but i carn help it.
i feel as though my world is so dark suddenly.
i really dunno wad to do.
am i suffering frm depression?
am i gong crazy???

really dun like to see u so upset dear.
i noe u really treasure n lurve him alot.
aftall,it has been 3 yrs
n im sure he feel e same way too.
i really hope todae will go smoothly for u.
coz i really dun wana c u getting hurt agn.
aft e previous two times.
i really wan u to have a future wif him.
i dunno wad to sae.
neither do i noe wad type of advice can i give u
coz i have nv experience dis type of tinks b4.
i juz wana let u noe tt
i lurve u
n i will be behind u
n i will be willing to listen to u
if u r willing to tok to me
i noe u may nv ever cum to my blog
i noe u may nv ever c dis post
but i really lurve u,sis.
even though i dun show
n say.
jiayou
n have faith
in urself,
in him,
in God.

Your connection with darkness is through your
depression. Hated, sad and often feeling
lonely, there is only a few that appreciate the
real you. You tend to keep to yourself and away
from the world since you don't want to be hurt
and betrayed again. Music gives you the
understanding you need to get through, it's
your "therapy". Or you express
yourself through art or writing. Chances are
you're also an anti-social person, who only
likes being with close friends, if even that.
The world has finally showed it's true face for
you and you wish life wasn't this miserable to
live through. Maybe you'll find happiness in
the future, but right now you're just hiding
away from the world. Who needs people anyway?


What is your connection with darkness? (pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

omg!
i do alr den realised my results is the same as wei's...

You need security.
There has been many changes in your life and
you have had to live in an unstable
environment. This has lead you to be suspicious
and always on guard. Your mind has a hard time
to unwind and this could lead to you having
sleeping problems, since you think too much.
People are a category you don't give much trust
at, and find yourself to be a better secret
keeper than they could ever be. Because in your
changing world you have learnt that you only
have yourself in all times.


What Do You Need in Your Life? [dark pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

its kinda true???
i dunno wad im doing!
im supposed to be doing hmewrk!
help!

haven been blogging too much recently
mabbie its time for me to reflect
wad im doing.
is it wad im supposed to do?
den y r ppl nt happy wif wad im doing?

juz read sumtink tt says:
if u dun lurve tt person,
u can nv hate her.
mabbie its true.
im still learning hw nt to change my "lurve" towards u to become hatred.
i will try.
i noe hating sumone is totally bad for me.
i shld nt be doing tt.
but it juz happens tt emotions r really sumtink u carn control.
mabbie wad wei said is true
mabbie i dun really sound as if i had put everytink behind me.
mabbie i really had nt learn hw to put down.
mabbie i am nt ever going to put down.
mabbie i dun even wana put down.
mabbie i dun really hate her.
coz hatred n lurve is only one line apart

i tot i had told myself nv to blog abt it agn
but i carn control myself.
as i said,
emotions r really sumtink tt u carn control.
im trying
n im learning.

i really shld be doing my work nw!
let me c...
i have:
history term 2 tinking qn
eng portfolio.
nt a lot rite?
shld be able to do in 1 hr time.
but e prob is,
i dun feel like doing any work todae
):

bengta:
yay!i bought all ur prezzie le!
or rather, i bought e tinks needed to prepare ur prezzies!!!
mwhahahaha.
im so excited to c ur expressions whn i give u ur prezzies!
hahahaha
((:

to u:
dun be too troubled by it k?
i believe tt as long as u have faith in e both of u
everytink can be solved.
although i dunno wad happened
neither do i noe hw to help u.
but if u need my support
i will always be here 4 ya.

lurve u
though i had nv say it b4...

erm.
mabbie my few previous posts too negative?
im still fine.
nt as bad as i sound!
haha.
SB,
dun be oversensitive k?
its nt u in tt post!
(:

im having fun slacking n rotting dis long weekend.
still have my history thinking qns nt done yet!
but hu cares anyway!
tink i really deserves a break aft so many tinks.
spend sat rotting at hme
n finally i gt back my long-lost platic bag!
since like...
XIAOPIN DAE!
:/
its so long le lor.
so, pei's pj is nt lost aftall...
its in tt plastic bag!
haha.
dis entry so boring rite?
i will like to say a big thank u to everyone hu manages to read up to here w/o falling asleep!
im lame.
i noe.

anw,
dis long weekend is chao fun.
miss dis type of daes
whn i juz slack at hme e whole dae!
haha.
but actually going put wif wei todae.
too bad her mum dun allow...
sad
if nt it will be even a nicer wkend!
but nvm,
im happy
n contented.
by dis long long break
(:

i noe it whn u guys r toking bad.
abt me.
dun tink i dunno,
coz i noe.
***
finally meeting up wif yikee tml to get back my long-lost plastic bag.
haha.

erm.
havn being updating for 4 daes le.
haha.
aw,
life is still the same la.
study.study.everydae.
n im having real serious mood swings.
one moment im happy.
e other im sad.
haix.
shall try to stay happy.
have huahui ltr.
n pai ju
which means fun, fun n more fun
wif ju-mates!
yay!

she is getting more n more irritating each dae.
dunno y.
she seems so nice last time whn im close to her.
but nw whn we r no longer close
she is so irritating.
i aso dunno y
juz feel tt she is so fake.
all her sweetness.
n "cuteness"
r all fake.

n she too.
i aso dunno everyone tinks tt she is nice.
she is nt lor.

troubled.
by all dis prob.
have alr tried nt to bother.
but is nt successful at all.
i guess i juz carn contrl my tots.

会有那么一天
词 : 伊能靜 曲 : 庾澄慶

一九四三 世界大战 阿嬷年轻的时候
爷爷爱他那么多 他们感情很深 但是爷爷
身负重任 就在离乡的那夜给了阿嬷一个吻
轻声说到

我要离去 别再哭泣 不要伤心
请你相信我 要等待 我的爱 陪你永不离开
因为会有那么一天 我们牵着手在草原
听鸟儿歌唱的声音 听我说声 我爱你

夕阳西下 鸟儿回家 阿嬷躺 在病床上
呼吸有一点散漫 眼神却很温柔 看着爷爷
湿透的眼 握着他粗糙的手 阿嬷的泪水开始流 轻声说道

我要离去 别再哭泣 不要伤心
请你相信我 要等待 我的爱 陪你永不离开
因为会有那么一天 我们牵着手在草原
听鸟儿歌唱的声音 听我说声 我爱你



dunno if any of u guys heard dis song b4?
its sang by JJ in his first album.
v sweet.
n touching.
dere's seldom songs abt e lurve of ur grandparents.
we have often forgotten
tt they do lurve each other deeply.
even if they dun show it.
cried e first time i heard dis song.
haha.
im juz bored.
but its a real nice song k?
damn sweet
hope u all will have a chance to hear it ah.

im sorry for misunderstanding u
im sorry for being doubtful
im sorry for being oversensitive
im sorry.
v sorry.
(:
teyweiwei,
get well soon k?
im sorryx5!
(:

hurt.
aft realising hw u feel towards me.

tink tt i shld nt be so"bei1 guan1"
n try to get back to the old cheerful me.
mabbie to everyone,
im still e same me,
n i had nt changed at all.
but the tireness is really slowly eating me up.
although i do feel much better aft a ten n a half hrs sleep.
haha.
mabbie mental tireness can be cured by sleeping too.

***
rushing my hmewrk like mad nw.
researching for my hme econ porfolio.
had finished elit
n eng in less than a hr.
feel so proud of myself.
if tinks continue dis way,
den i may finish my work in time
afterall.
(:

***
decided to cheer up.
n i will do e tinks tt ive decided
once i decided.

erm.
life is still e same.
bored.
n numbed
by e so-called assigns n portfolios.
carn c e reason y i need to do so.
weekend hmewk list:

elit assign
maths portfolio
maths extra qns
chinese portfolio
history thinking qns
hme econ portfolio
debate preparation
study geog common test nx wk
study history timed-piece nx week


really dun wan me life to be juz filled of work
n more work.
but sadly,it seems tt my present life is juz e way i dun wan it to be.
i really hate life e way it is nw.
i carn c e point in living if all it means is to study,
study n study.
seniors all said tt sec 2 is a relaxing yr n sec3 will be worse
can u imagine im alr feeling so tired in sec2,
hw am i ever going to cope wif upper sec stuff?
im nt stressed.
juz really dun like my life to be covered wif all my work.
its so tiring.
i dunno hw to describe dis feeling.
its like u noe u r going to skol,completing ur work,
simply coz u need to.
n nt u wan to.
its the mental tireness tt i carn stand it anymore.
n the worst tink is,
its nt tt type of physical tireness which u can sleep it off.

***
i dunno y i carn seem to be able to concentrate during pai ju nwadaes
ever since aft xiaopin.
im like feeling so xian everytime during paiju.
i noe im nt supposed to be feeling dis way.
but yet i carn control myself.
im really sorry to daoyans,
for nt giving my best shots during paiju
n doing so badly.
n im really sorry to all fellow yanyuans,
for making e whole paiju sucky due to my sucky performance.
i really dun mean it.
n i will try harder
during nx paiju
n everyone tt follows.

***
trying my best to make myself happy
n "un-numb" myself

erm.im rushing my sci like mad nw.
n i still have a dozen of work nt done yet,listing:
history thinking qns
TWO!!!n min 100 words each
due:nx week

maths portfolio
due:nx week

maths extra qns
due:nx week

elit
150 words long on sum stupid shakespeare crap!
due:nx week(mon summore!)

chinese porfolio
due:nx nx week

i tink tt's all.
but its alr a lot a lot lor!!!
imm dying dis wkend!!!
argh.

im carn believe it.
but im typing three posts at a go!
THREE!
i tink im crazy...
i really am...

btw,i really dunno wad to sae abt it.
its u hu is starting to create e dist between us lor.
its NT me.
stop trying to make e whole world believe tt its me.
n stop lying to urself,
whn u noe its obviously u.
im nt trying to get close wif u agn.
n i tink tinks r juz perfectly fine like dis.
im nt going to do anytink.
n i noe tt we DO NOT need to do anytink.
i only wana sae is tt i still trasure our fwenship
although i noe tinks changes as time goes by
including tinks like fwenship.

i hope dis will be the last time i will be blogging abt dis incident
n i noe won blog abt it agn.
coz dere is no need to do so.

(:
a smile changes everytink
n i shall kip smiling frm nw onwards

erm...
i dun like u le
ive gotten over my EC le.
n nw ive a new crush!
but for dose hu noes,
i nv crush a gal,
so,ya,its a guy!
he is so cute lor.
but im sure dis is juz a silly crush,
nt a v mutal feeling le.
i tink its juz a stupid process every teenager have to go through.
haha.


i really dunno wad im doing.
typing such silly n private stuff on my blog.
but,anyway,i guess ppl will start asking aft they read my blog
(:
haha.
i guess im juz being bored...
but its true k?

kill me n i will nv ever sae hu he is
(:

gone

typed a super long entry on sundae,but for sum reasons,its gone!
ah
mabie im nt fated to post tt entry...haha...
anyway,basically its abt my fun dae out on sat!
XIAOPIN finals rox!
im so so glad tt i went.
thanks joe,chu,wei and wendy for making it such a wonderful dae for me.
n the dinner out wif my family was nice too!
e food was so so so delicious!
haha.
yum yum!
n im so glad yesterdae whn i knew e results!
e bolster ju gt third!
its was so damn nice lor.
my fav ju of all!
haha...im crapping again(as usual la)
n RI, wenjun's ju gt first!
i bet siowu is feeling so excited n proud of her darling nw.
haha.
she's gonna kill me whn she c dis!
haha.
i lurve SAT!

prob nt solved.
im still worried.
pls tok abt it.
dun hide anymore
if u guys really wana solve it.

im so so pissed off.
y muz guys be so pervertic?
hello?u r at a public place, nt ur hse.
n its nt up2u to sae boobs dis kind of words
directly at me
whn i dun even noe u guys.
dis is so stoopid lor.
im so so pissed off.

):

i lurve it.
i lurve it!!!
its so cool!!
haha.
thx,daddy!!!
(:

dis post is so random
i guess im in a random mood too!